Showers of love

My baby shower went something like this...

Torrential downpours.

Torrential tears.

A Tiara.

Lots of presents.

An awesome blue cake.

Lots of things to put away.

Lots of love.

So, so thankful

I have so much to be thankful for.

Let's start with this guy...

He doesn't always say the right thing, he doesn't always do the right thing and he eats in the middle of the night and gets crumbs all of the floor and counter. But he's my best friend. We laugh together everyday and he loves me, loves me, loves me. And I love him, love him, love him. I watch him with our furry babies and I know that he is going to be a wonderful father. I have never been more thankful for anything, as I am for him coming into my life.

Speaking of furry babies...

there's these two. The only thing that rivals how happy and thankful I am for my husband is how happy and thankful I am for these two. Lordy, I love 'em. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they make me cry. They are our family.

Speaking of family...

I am thankful for them as well. I wish a lot of things about them a lot of the time. Wish they were happier, wish they were healthier, wish we were closer. But they are our family and I am thankful for them. I mean, who and where would we be without our family? I love them regardless of everything else.

Speaking of everything else...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I've never had friends like I have right now. I can't explain how lucky I feel to have found a group of girls that I can trust and count on. Tell things to and know it won't be repeated. Go out and have fun with and laugh and laugh. They make me laugh, they make me smile, and they certainly don't make me cry.

And speaking of being thankful...

(I hope to have a picture on Tuesday. He was very uncooperative at the last ultrasound)

I don't know if I can explain how thankful I am for this Beaner in my belly. I love him already and we haven't even met yet. I am thankful for every little kick and punch, I am thankful for the big basketball belly I am sporting these days. I tear up with I think about how this was our last Thanksgiving just us. That it will be our last Hannukah, last New Year's. Tear up because I'm so excited, and tear up because I'm a nervous wreck. I think about how hard we tried for this Bean. How long we wanted it and how we really were beginning to think it wasn't ever going to happen. And now here we are just about eight weeks away from meeting him. And I am just so, so thankful.

Three years

If you can't see it, the card says "Wife"

So, I was all set to write this really great blog post about my husband. About how we met on JDate, and the first time I met him I went to his house not thinking that he could have been a serial killer or rapist. About one of our first dates when we went to see X-Men 2 and I looked over at him and thought to myself that I could look at him for the rest of my life. I was going to write about how we got engaged after just 6 months, and how after I called my mother to tell her, she drank a bottle of wine and cried herself to sleep. About how we got Rex the summer before we got married, and how we felt it made us complete. I was going to tell you about how I choked on a piece of steak at our rehearsal dinner and we missed the entire dinner as I cried in the ER about how I was suppose to get married the next day. And I was going to write about the day of our wedding, how my sister and E and I got manis and pedis and had breakfast with my mom and my sister in law did our hair and after I got my dress on my sister attempted to put cover-up on the tattoo on my back. About how I cried through the entire ceremony, but was still able to soak it all in, see where everyone was sitting, and even see one of my husband's friends walk in late. And the reception where I danced and danced, and I don't even dance. I was going to write about how I never wanted to take that dress off. That I love that dress and wanted to wear it forever. That if I didn't have a belly the size of a basketball I would be wearing it right now. I wanted to tell you how much I love my husband. How we have laughed together every day for the last four and a half years and how I hope my baby looks like him.

I wanted to tell you all of that. But instead I need to tell you this.

Last night for our anniversary, my husband took me to Sonic.

Can I just tell you that I don't think I've been that excited about anything in a really long time.

You don't even need to get out of your car! They bring you your food on ROLLERSKATES!! (We wondered if in the winter they wear ice skates?)

The burger was just so so, but let's over look that.

The tater tots were awesome. Crunchy on the outside, awesome on the inside.

And then there was the Peanut Butter Fudge milkshake. OMG. We were literally scraping it off of the bottom of the cup.

Best. Anniversary. Ever.

Holy crap we have a crib...

Daddy, Poppie and Uncle Jason putting it together.

Yay!

Yay! Yay!

Big brother and sister approve and are getting comfy already.

And in 13 weeks, give or take, there will be a baby in that room. Holy crap.

Holy crap

I won't lie, I took this picture in the Starbucks bathroom.

Holy crap #1: The baby's room is finished! (I prefer not to call it a 'nursery'). All it needs is some furniture and decor and, of course, a baby.

Holy crap #2: We have signed up for a childbirth class, courtesy of Hartford Hospital. (Well, not "courtesy of" really. "Courtesy of" makes it sound like it is complementary, as in free. It is very much not free.) But it is a childbirth course. We also signed up for a tour of the maternity ward.

Holy crap #3: In a week and a half I will be in my third trimester.

Holy crap #4: Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye, in the mirror, or sometimes my shadow. Still 25 and a half weeks into this I still sometimes do a double take need to remind myself that that pregnant person is actually me.

Holy crap #5: This past Saturday my Gordo ran his fifth half marathon in four years. He managed to run those 13.1 miles almost 20 minutes faster this time than his last one in January. I can't begin to tell you how proud I was, and still am.

Holy crap #6: When we got home, we were sitting on the bed watching tv and all of the sudden it happened. "Did you see that? My stomach just moved!" We both stared at my belly and then it happened again. "That was weird" Gordo said, half amazed, half really thinking it was weird. It was weird, no doubt about it, but so, so cool. Better yet, its happened everyday since then.

To which I say, holy crap, we are actually having a baby.

Mi Familia

Sunday Loves

I love going to bed on Saturday night and not having to set my alarm clock.

I love the cold air of fall around us, cuddling under the covers in bed.

I love our weekend trips to Stew's.

I love lying in bed feeling The Bean kick and punch.

I love spending the day with my husband, even if its just going to the grocery store and Home Depot and Babies R Us.

I love UConn football (but that's on Saturdays).

I love that Gordo bought us impromptu ice cream cones, with sprinkles from Dairy Queen during our day of getting things done.

Today

Today I realized that Gordo's next birthday, his 35th will be his first with The Bean. That monumental birthday will also be just about one week before his first Father's Day.

Today I also realized that my next birthday will be just a few days after my first Mother's Day. The day after that birthday will also mark one year since we found out we were pregnant.

Today we are almost exactly 4 months from my due date of January 23rd.

Today. :o)

Yipeee!!

Number of months trying to get pregnant: 20

Amount of money spent trying to get pregnant: Thousands

Amount of tears shed over the last 20 months: Oy...

Finally being able to tell you all that we are going to have a baby:

PRICELESS

The Bean, 11 weeks 2 days

Lots of love

I love hibiscus. Why is it the most beautiful flowers only last a day or two?

We had Gordo's whole family over for a cookout yesterday. I don't think we could have fit any more people in our house. As I sat there with them all, and after spending the day with my family on Friday, I realized a few things.

I'm never going to have the cleanest house. There will always be dog hair, there will always be a crumb or two, there will always be a little bit of dust. I will never be the skinniest. Food will always be a part of my life. I will never have the best behaved dogs. Rex is an excited barker, Penny is afraid, and that's just how it is.

But I love my family. And when I say 'my' family, I mean Gordo's and mine. They aren't perfect and neither are we, but we love each other. We are there for each other. We embrace the good times and bad. I love my husband. I just love my husband. And I love my friends. Never in my 32 years have I been blessed with such wonderful friends. My house may not be the cleanest, the newest or the nicest, but there is so much love within it. We surround ourselves with things we love. And I love my doggies. Rex howls and I know he loves me. I walk into a dark room and hear his tail smack the floor and it is one of the best sounds in the world. Penny is afraid, but runs to me to comfort her and I know she loves me, trusts me. I sleep at night and she rests her head on my leg, and I love to look at her beautiful face. And while I may not be the skinniest, I will always make the best desserts.

I am loving life.

Let the sunshine

The hubby and I spent a really nice (long and hot) day in Rhode Island with my parents today. We went to an outdoor art show, walked along the water and had a great dinner and ice cream. These pictures were taken on my Blackberry, so I apologize for the fuzziness. It is so beautiful there. I could certainly spend a great deal of time there. I hope the beauty of it comes through in the pictures.

Too hot to handle

It is 94 degrees right now. And its only 10am. I am not tolerant of the heat. I can't handle it. Walking from the car to a store and I feel light headed. I can't take it. And its suppose to be like this all. week. long.

My poor doggies hate it as well. They desperately want to play, run, go for a big walk. I've tried to tell them, its just to darn hot, but they don't want to listen. So we step out to the backyard, and the panting begins. And I say, I told you its too darn hot, but you don't listen. And then we go in and sleep.

Next month my parents will have been married for 35 years. Thats a long time! So the good children that we are (and at the prompting of my grandmother) we are throwing them a party. They don't know about it yet, but the invites are going out today. It isn't a surprise party because~ haha~ the party's at their house. See, when my sister and I put together a guest list, it was nearly 50 people. I can't accommodate that many people at my house. Plus I live an hour away. My parents have a beautiful house and yard, so we will do it there and hopefully my mother doesn't get too pissed off. I fear that she will flip out. But once the invites are out, there's not a whole lot she can do about it I suppose.

We had a great long weekend. I love when Gordo is home with me and we can do things together. We've been trying to do things around the house, rearrange some rooms and whatnot. But here's a question~ Is it wrong that fireworks just don't do it for me? Or Gordo for that matter. Our friends did fireworks on Sunday and as we sat there, Gordo leaned over and said "I'm bored." We do it every year, we go and we watch and we fight the crowds, and every year I think to myself, I don't get what the big deal is.

And I fear that a spark will fall in my hair.

Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks

On Saturday Gordo took me to a Yankee game. We drove to the Bronx, the weather was great and we had a great day.

What you need to understand here is that I grew up in a house without sports. My father would find more enjoyment from removing his own eye with a spoon than to sit and watch sports on TV, let alone go to an actual game. And due to my father's lack of interest in sports, my brother has zero interest. I take that back, my brother tried his hand at golf for a while, but is golf really a sport?

Everything I know about sports I learned from friends and boyfriends throughout the years. Gordo likes to watch a lot of different sports. He's a Yankee's fan, so that is what I now associate myself with (sorry girls!). We are avid UConn football fans. My first introduction to football was as I sat with the marching band, and now I faithfully attend every game. Who knew? Four years ago I couldn't tell you a single baseball player, today I could tell you almost the entire Yankee line up. Seriously, who knew?

By the way, what the hell was New York thinking when they created a law that calorie counts have to be posted on menus?? All the vendors at the stadium had the calorie counts up! I don't want to know how many calories are in my really tasty pretzel! (over 600 btw) Come on NY, let me enjoy my snacks!!!

Thankful Thursday #4 (on a Saturday night)

~Thank you for dog trainers. Dog whisperers. My Rex is walking without a harness, without pulling, without stopping every five paces to sniff for the first time in almost three years.

~Thank you for husbands who not only get raises, but bonuses, and call it "our" money.

~Thank you for Girl Scout cookies.

~Thank you for friends, red wine and breakfast food.

~Thank you for hope. All kinds of hope.

Yea, he's got her head in his mouth in that picture.

My Little Penny Lane

So we're trying to figure out our little Penny Lane.

She's cuddly and cute as all get out. Rex loves her. Let me rephrase~ Despite having to share his toys, his couch and his people, and despite her hyper tush waking him up at all hours of the night, Rex loves her. And she loves Rex. And we love her. She's going to be a great dog.

She's afraid of everything. Let me rephrase~ She's. Afraid. Of. Everything. People, dogs, birds, garbage cans, shadows, cars, storm drains. We were told that she was in a "foster home". How lovely does that sound? We thought so too. When we found worms in her poo we were surprised, but the "foster mom" wouldn't email me back. Coincidence? I think not. And now the more people we talk to~ vets, trainers, others who have adopted like this~ she probably lived in a crate for the first 7 months of her life. Hence the fact that she's afraid. Of. Everything. We found a trainer thanks to my great friend B from band. If Cesar Milan is the Dog Whisperer (and he is), than this guy is surely his side kick. He first amazed us by getting Rex to walk, by his side, without a harness in mere seconds, a feat we haven't accomplished in almost three years. He then assessed the Penny Lane situation, and deemed her scared (duh). But instead of being scared and submissive, she is scared and dominant, bordering on aggressive. (Did I tell you about how I brought her to get her nails trimmed at PetSmart and she almost took the groomer's hand off?) She's never been aggressive with us, and she stopped growling a Rex over bones and toys weeks ago (because he put her in her place). But she freaks when people come into the house and anytime she's in a new situation. I don't want a dog who's scared and I certainly don't want a dog who's potentially dangerous. The Dog Whisperer said we have a lot of work to do, but Penny is trainable. He said she definitely doesn't want to bite, doesn't want to fight, but if she's in a situation where she feels threatened enough, she'll do what she needs to do. (ie, the groomer situation) She can relearn and with The Dog Whisperer's help, we can teach her that the world isn't the awful scary place she thinks it is. (Going forward our trainer will be known as The Dog Whisperer, and Cesar will be known as Cesar.)

Right now these two, Dogasaurus Rex and Penny Lane, are literally, our furry babies. They are our family. And we are committed and determined to do whatever we need to do to make our family healthy and happy.

Four years

In 2006, I watched the Opening Ceremonies of the Torino Winter Olympics with my friend E at her apartment in Queens with her husband. There was a snowstorm and we were homebound. We watched Olympic events and talked and reminisced and ate good food. I played with her dog Harry and we bought official Olympic attire at the NBC store in Manhattan. Before I left to come back to Connecticut, she took a picture of me with her beagle Harry, wearing my USA shirt. A few weeks later I put that picture up as one of my profile pictures on JDate.

Four years later, E is vacationing in Spain and I'm sure she didn't watch the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics (but I'm sure she DVRed them). And here I am. I watched the Opening Ceremonies with my husband, who I met just two months after that weekend I spent in Queens. I watched the Opening Ceremonies with my furry babies, furry babies that I longed for so much when I spent that weekend in Queens. I had a Valentine's Day I could have only dreamed of four years ago. My husband made me breakfast. Waffles on the waffle maker my brother bought us for our wedding. And pancakes. And yes, those are M&Ms in them. He made me hash browns and little sausage links. We spent the day together and then he made me dinner. We shared the bottle of wine he got from his first computer fix-it call. We celebrated his promotion at work. We talked about our furry babies. We watched a zombie movie.

Last night I had dinner with two wonderful friends. Wonderful food, wonderful wine, wonderful, wonderful company. (That's a lot of wonderful!!) Four years ago I had very few girlfriends. Aside from my dear E, girlfriends were few and far between. I am so grateful for these wonderful, inspiring women that I now have in my life. I would be lost without these amazing ladies.

Sometimes it takes me a long time between blogs. Here's why. For one, I like to have interesting things to say. For two, I like for these interesting things to be well said. So I have to play it all out in my brain before I publish it to the blog.

Monday

Gordo and I went to an adult dinner party over the weekend, with actual ADULTS. Holy crap did we have to be on our best behavior! I made these yummy chocolate covered pretzels. They are so easy to make and yet they are so pretty that it seems to give the impression that they were slaved over for hours. They were a hit, but little did I know one of our hosts isn't eating sugar for health reasons. So we had to take them home with us. Boo hoo. So yummy.

And here's your doggie update, because I know you were dying to know about the ins and outs of Dogasaurus Rex and Penny Lane. Rex successfully had his nails clipped tonight by his favorite Petco groomer. He was a complete baby about it. Partly I feel bad because I get him all excited about riding in the car (which he loves) only to screw him with the nail clipping (which he loathes). Penny is continuing to snuggle into my neck as I sleep which, *sigh*, I love. She's getting the hang of 'sit', not that I think she'll actually do it in class Wednesday, but who cares. She also has an affinity for trying to bury things. Rawhides, biscuits, toys, socks, etc. She likes to bury them behind couch cushions and under pillows. More than once now I have laid down in bed and had a rawhide under my pillow. If you've never experienced this, and I can't imagine that you wouldn't have, it is an interesting experience.

A second dog means buying a little more food, cleaning a few more hair balls, dealing with a few more quirks. It also means a lot more love and cuddle in our home. I love it.

Accomplishments

In the last week I~

*saw The Lion King with my mom and lived to tell the tale.

*went to the airport twice, neither of which was for myself, which makes me sad. I need a vacation. I'm looking forward to Washington DC in April.

*had band rehearsal where I learned of yet another person who has struggled with infertility. I learned, again, that I am not alone in my quest. Her pain has been much great than ours and I can only pray we never go through what they did.

*took Penny Lane to her second week of puppy class and she did so much better! She didn't do 'sit' and she didn't do 'down', but she didn't hide under the chair either! Progress! I was so proud!!

*ate a really awesome, homemade Valentine's Day cupcake with my lunch today. It had Pepto colored frosting. It was awesome.

*ate at a resturant for dinner that had pictures of dogs all around. My kind of place for sure.

Positives, however big or small, are all around.

The Lion King, A Review (Also titled, I believe my mother thinks I'm blind)

For Hannukah, my mother bought tickets for she and I to see The Lion King at the Bushnell in Hartford. Here is the play by play.

My mother came to our house at about 5pm. She came barring biscuits and rawhides in an attempt to win over Penny (Rex has been long since won over, but she brought him stuff too.) Penny gets a bit scared in new situations, so when my mom walked in, her tail went between her legs and she went into full defense mode. She came to my mom for treats (thumbs up) and then my mom gave her the rawhide and she chewed away, but whenever my mom looked at her she growled. Yes, just looked at her. So I said to my mom, who was walked over to Penny, "I wouldn't do that". "Seriously mom, leave her alone". "We don't have time for an ER visit". Finally we had to leave and she left Penny to chew in peace.

We decided on Max Burger in West Hartford for dinner. I'd been there before, I knew it was good, I knew it was a safe choice. And then in mom fashion she read the menu to me. "They have sweet potato fries, Stace, you like those." "They have a burger with brie." "They have a beer called Arrogant Bastard". I know mom, I read it too. We ate and she deemed it better than Plan B, previously her favorite burger place in all the land. And then in mom fashion she tried to talk me into a dessert that neither of us needed. "The have whoopie pies". "The have an ice cream with bacon in it." All through dinner never failing to remind me that she hopes our seats are good for the show. She hopes the seats aren't too far to the side. The beginning is really the best part of the show, Stace. Its worth it to see the show just for the beginning.

We left Max Burger and headed to the Bushnell. We got there way too early and stood around for a while because they wouldn't even let us into our seats yet. "I really hope the seats are good." "If they are too far over I'm going to be so pissed".

We finally get to our seats and THANK ALL THAT IS GOOD they weren't too far over. The beginning of the show really was amazing. Very intricate and imaginative and wonderfully done. "Stace, did you see that?" "Look over there" "Isn't it amazing?" The actors were really wonderful. Usually there's a least one that I could do without, but this entire cast was really great. The only thing I didn't like (and Dee, this is the part where you can stop reading cause I know you are seeing it next weekend) aside from the beautiful costumes and scenery, the story was, almost word for word, from the Disney movie. I knew every joke before they said it, and that made them way less funny. (Even less when my mother would elbow me in the side, telling me to get a sense of humor). I guess I was expecting more of an adaptation of the movie and not retelling of the movie by actors.

Be it known also that I am not someone who laughs out loud at theatre or movies or TV. I never have been. I blame something obscure from my childhood. So, when the show was over and my mother turned to me and said "Did you like it?" My response was, "Yes, it was really good." "But you didn't look like you liked it" "I did." "Are you sure". "If you ask me again, the answer is going to change." Keep in mind too that it was now 11pm, about 2 degrees outside, I was tired and a bit annoyed that my husband was leaving for Miami in 5 hours and I wasn't going with him.

To recap, Penny has a bit of food aggression, as well as being greatly scared. Max Burger is excellent and does have both a beer called Arrogant Bastard and some sort of ice cream that had bacon in the title. The Lion King was very good and our seats were not too far over. And I only teared up a little seeing the adorable kids all dressed up, all excited watching the show with their parents.

Happiness

Everyday I have to stop and remind myself of my New Year's Resolutions. Especially the one about staying calm and not getting worked up about stuff. You know, like how my job sucks ass and how everyone around me is pregnant and having babies and how Penny has an intestinal parisite *again* and how I've had a headache everyday for the last ..... days. So what I've been trying to do is to search out the positive. More specifically, to really notice and acknowledge things that make me happy. Especially the small things, things that I never realized make me happy. And you know what? It's actually working a bit. On top of which, it's interesting. Such small seemingly stupid things.

You know what makes me happy? Matching pajamas. Pajamas where the top and bottom match. For years and years I've been wearing random t-shirts with random bottoms, and then I recently found this awesome pj set in the bottom of a drawer. They are light blue with penguins on them. What a great find! So cute! So fun! When I obtain some more money, I shall buy myself some more. (Tina Fey was wearing these awesome ones on "30 Rock" recently that had cupcakes on them!)

You know what else I love? Stew Leonard's. Sometimes I get really wrapped up, comparing Gordo and my relationship to what I think it "should be" or what other people have. We love to go to Stew's. We walk through, we see the new food, see the weird people, sample the awesome samples. Some people have fancy resturants, we have Stew's. And that, my friends, is okay with me.

Nail polish makes me happy. Looking at pretty painted nails is nice! Warm and fuzzy. It makes me happy.

I've also realized that on days when I dress nice for work, I usually feel better about myself. Granted, on days when I'm just khakis and long sleeve tee I'm comfier, but that's not what we're talking about here. I guess I feel like more of a "professional adult" when I've got on fancy shoes and pants. Which is all well and good, but let's be honest here, it ain't gonna happen often.

My husband's stupid jokes make a happy.

Rex wagging his tail when I walk into the room makes me happy.

Penny sleeping between my legs, resting her head on my shin makes me happy.

Going to Washington DC over April vacation makes me happy.