Anxiety

Let me first say how happy I am that William and Kate are finally married. The lead up to this wedding seemed to last forever. I'll admit that I was one of the few people who could really care less about all this, but I will say that it was nice to not hear about awful things all of the time on the news. She's beautiful and I think they really are in love, even though I still don't get the fascination with it all.

I'm having major anxiety today because I have to bring Rex to the vet this afternoon and because L won't be home in time, I have to bring the Beaner as well. Big doofy dog, big heavy car seat carrying small baby, teeny tiny vet office, other questionably behaved dogs=very anxious me. L is suppose to meet me at the vet office where he will either stay with Rex or take Michael. It is my hope that L will get there before the actual appointment, best case scenario before I even get out of the car. Its 9:30am now, the appointment is at 3:45 and its already the only thing I can think about. Good lord.

I am so excited to bring Michael to the Daffodil Festival tomorrow. L and I go every year and I'm excited to bring Michael and take pictures in the flowers. I hope we can make it a family tradition every year, taking pictures and seeing how he's grown.

Happy

Going to a specialist at a children's hospital with your three month old? Not fun.

Watching the nurse hold his head while he drinks something gross and has xrays taken of his throat? Not fun.

Waiting an hour for the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor? Really not fun.

Holding your three month old in your arms while a tube is put up his nose and down his throat? Very, very not fun.

Hearing that your son is going to be okay? Really good.

Seeing first hand just how blessed you are to have a very healthy, happy baby? Priceless.

Its been quite a week.

Michael's had an eventful week! Let me get you up to speed.

On Tuesday, Michael and I went to school. He was a big hit with everyone, obviously. He's become quite a ham, smiling and being all kinds of cute. It was nice to see a lot of the people I work with, and so nice to see most of the kids. And Michael survived the visit without being jumped or stolen by a student (L's main concern) or contracting H1N1, MRSA or the Black Plague (my concern).

On Wednesday my grandparents came home from Florida, so the first order of business on Thursday morning was for them to see the Beaner, who they hadn't seen since he was three weeks old. They were, of course, smitten by him and he, of course, hammed it up.

And speaking of grandparents, on Saturday we went up to Massachusetts to visit with L's grandmother, who unfortunately hadn't seen Michael since his Bris at one week old. She was also, smitten.

A little back story~ L's nana is 96. She is what some might call a *pip*. She lives on her own, exercises twice a week and drove up until two years ago. She loves to dance, which many remember from our wedding, when she was a sprite 92. She has out lived two husbands and a son. Her memory might be going, but hot damn, if I am lucky enough to live to 96, I'd love to be as lucky as her. Our Michael is named after her son, L's father. A fact that made her tear up a few times.

How lucky is our Michael to have three great grandparents in his life? Wow. My husband only knew two of his grandparents in his lifetime, never a great grandparent. I was very lucky and knew all of my grandparents, losing the first when I was 24. My nana, my father's mother, passed away just weeks after we found out we were pregnant. And my mom's parents are living life to the fullest, spoiling and loving on their first great grandchild. I hope they live long enough for Michael to remember them, but I am grateful and thankful that they are here to know him and love him. And while my nana and L's father and L's other grandparents aren't here to know Michael, I know they are watching us and watching him. And I know they would be proud.

Now, let's switch gears to Sunday. Sunday we celebrated Rex and Penny's birthdays. Yes, we are those people. Rex we got on June 16, 2007 and he was 8 weeks old. So we celebrate his birthday on April 16th. Penny we got on Dec. 12, 2009 and she was about 8 months old. So to make things easy, we celebrate her birthday on April 16th as well. Now I know how lousy it is to share a birthday, but let's be real here. They're dogs.

First we loved on them and showered them with attention and allowed their favorite squeaky balls in the house, a usually no, no in my book. Then we made them homemade biscuits. Super easy, just milk, peanut butter, whole wheat flour and baking powder. And we ended the day with a family walk, one of my favorite things to do in the beautiful spring weather. Rex and Penny love walks and they both like to stick their nose in the stroller and check in on the Beaner.

Yup, I am that person.

Everyone loves a family walk.

Beaner was exhausted from a very eventful week.

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." The Beatles

To work or not to work

If I hadn't taken the rest of the school year off, today would have been my first day back at work. I can't even imagine it.

Ironically though, I'm bringing Michael in to school tomorrow of my own accord to meet all my teacher friends. There is so much drama going on there right now, half of me wishes I was there every day to keep up on the gossip, but part of me wants to run for the hills, laughing all the way.

Its the only place I've ever taught, that crappy little craphole. I did a lot of subbing before I got the job there, but this has been it for the last eight years. My school. My kids. My staff to work with. And as much as I complain, the idea of teaching somewhere else is quite scary.

Being the music teacher in a school system that can't pass their standardized tests means that no one really gives a rat's ass what I do, so long as I show up and don't beat the kids with a drum stick. I know this sounds awful (and really it is because there is no curriculum or accountability for my students musically) but it means for me that I can do *whatever I want*. I can teach what I want, when I want, how I want. Which is super nice for me and my kids (even though they don't get grades, which isn't my fault). I really do like my kids. They are colorful and unique and there really is never a dull moment.

What if I go to a new school where they want me to teach something I don't know? That's my big concern. What if the kids actually know music and know the stuff better than me? What if the parents actually care about what goes on and they call me complaining about things? I have interacted with parents maybe ten times in the last eight years. And then totally unrelated, but very related, what about the Beaner? What will become of him if I'm off actually working all day (regardless of where it is)?

So that's where I'm at with that.

"Dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true." ~ Aerosmith

Bathtime

Last night we gave Michael a bath.

As soon as I placed his nakedness in the tub, a fountain of pee rose up and sprayed my leg and the wall of the shower.

L marveled at his range.

I was relieved he didn't pee when I carried him diaperless from the bedroom to bathroom.

After the bath we put him in jammies that say "Thank heaven for little boys".

Thank heaven indeed.

Coffee, noses and play mats

I drove two towns over to fulfill a major craving for an iced white chocolate mocha from Starbucks this morning. Yeah, there's a Starbucks about five minutes from my house, but this one two towns over is the closest one with a drive-thru. Now I know that makes me sounds wicked lazy, but here's the thing. Michael had been awake since 7:30am, it was now noon and he was wicked cranky due to being the anti-napper. I knew the car ride would put him to sleep and I was afraid that the in and out of the car would wake him up. So, yes I drove two towns over to get a four dollar drink all to get my son to sleep for a half hour. I don't judge you, don't judge me.

We've been battling this week to try and get Michael an appointment with the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor at Children's Medical Center. He's had this nasty congestion since he was born and while I've been told by every doctor and nurse in central Connecticut that this is totally normal for newborns, he's almost three months old, not a newborn, and not getting better. At his two month check-up the doctor first recommended the E,N,T in case there is a growth or blockage in his throat or nasal passage. Scary! The growth, if there is one, is totally normal and something he would grow out of as he gets older and nothing to worry about. So I called the E,N,T, but wasn't able to get an appointment until the end of May. (!!) But then he had a bad night with his daddy Tuesday when I was at band (ending with Michael throwing up formula all over the bathroom floor) we got him back in with the pediatrician Wednesday morning wanting answers and not wanting to wait two months to go to the specialist. Long story short, my favorite doctor in the office, Dr. Diamonds (she has a huge diamond ring and necklace) assured us that she is 95% sure that what we are hearing in his breathing is in his nose. His chest is clear, his lungs are clear, his ears are clear. She feels certain that the E,N,T will find that he has narrow nasal passages or possibly a blockage, she said she would be surprised if they find something in his throat. She also said that absolutely does not think he is struggling to breath. That was reassuring. She was able to get us an appointment with the specialist for the end of April, which is an improvement. In the meantime we suck out snot and run the humidifier and listen to him breathe and remember that it is just congestion and he'll grow out of it.

In much better news, I bought Michael a play mat yesterday. He is so in love with it. In retrospect, we should have registered for a play mat, I have no idea why we didn't. While the tummy time mat that we did register for was a great gift from my dear Dee, my suggestion to those registering for baby things in the near future would be to get the play mat and skip the tummy time mat, because you can use this for both. They had a bunch with all kinds of bells and whistles (yes, literally), but I opted for a plainer one. I love the patchwork type pattern and colors, a la Vera Bradley. Plus we already have a bunch of the toys made to hang from things. I'd much rather play for Michael music of my choosing, rather than the (annoying) music that comes with baby toys. (Right now we are listening to Disney on Pandora radio) (Pandora radio is my newest obsession. If you haven't checked it out, do it and then you can thank me later)

"It's the circle of life. And it moves us all." ~ The Lion King

To clarify

I posted a few weeks ago about how L was out in Atlanta and how I was desperate for him to come home. I talked about how didn't want to be alone and all that jazz. But I was thinking about Tuesdays and band and how much I look forward to it, so I guess I need to clarify.

As I posted once before, Tuesday is band day, and I love band. I took about two months off after The Beaner was born, but I started back last week. I heart band. While I love my husband and love my little man, I love those two hours at band.

L loves to do his marathons. It is his "thing". He loves his time at the gym. It is important to him and it makes him happy to do it. And because it makes him happy, I am happy to let him have that time for himself. Band is that for me.

Everyone needs to have there own "thing". Marathons, band, cooking class, locked in your bedroom with a book while the husband is with the baby and dogs... whatever. I don't think its healthy to not have things outside of your signifigant other. You need to be your own person in order to love your other person, in my opinion.

So, while a whole weekend was a really long time to be alone with a newborn and away from my husband, I do love and look forward to my time away.

I'm going to be a better blogger.

I really thought that after The Beaner was born I'd be a better blogger. That I'd be telling great stories and posting pictures and all of that. Seems as though being a mom keeps you really busy! Who'd a thunk it? However the whole reason I started this blog was to stay in touch with people who are important to me and keep a running record of my pregnancy (done!) and my Beaner (in progress). So my goal is to keep the second part of this a little better. (Yes I know I've said this before. Yes I know I wasn't good at keeping to it before. Yes, I am going to try harder this time.) I'm so in love with my little man and this shall be (one of) the ways I will show him off. :o)

Last week, at just about 9 weeks old, the little man started smiling. Oh that little face! Oh that toothless grin! For a while he'd smile at things. The animals on the mobile. The sun reflected on the wall. But then he started smiling at *us*. Be still my heart. He's starting to get a little personality. He kicks and squirms and you can tell when he loves something, and you can certainly tell when he doesn't love something. He loves funny faces and weird noises on his belly. He loves his toys that light up and make sounds and he hate, hate, hates his swing. He loves funny faces from his Daddy (there are many) and is a man who hates a wet diaper (but who does?)

Ten weeks ago today everyone was coming to Hartford Hospital to meet Michael for the very first time. I can't believe he's two and a half months old.

Is anyone else still a reality television junky or is it just me? I just love me some Bethanney Frankel. Love. Her. Now that Top Chef is over, she is my current obsession. I DVR her show Monday night and watch it Tuesday morning. I actually broke down and bought her book. Of course, the only thing I've done with it so far is use it as a coaster for my coffee.